A Day Out of the life. Looking back & Moving Forward - Lifting our Voices.

My Journey: Surviving Child Sexual Abuse/Sexual Assault and The Family Disease of Alcoholism (Who I was)

Poem #1

T h e  J o u r n e y

As I look back on my journey,
Of who I have become
The paths that I have crossed
The days I came undone.
This is a reflection of truth
My life, My strength, My pain
A journey through my eyes
What I lost and what I gained.
It started when I was young,
A girl at five or six
Dealing with unexpected outcomes
A Father who was sick
The disease that took him over
But never took him away
A long fight with alcoholism
A young girl begging him to stay.
Some days I used to wonder,
When it was going to end
Lies, Fear and Manipulation
So young, I couldn‘t comprehend.
A few years later
I was never alone
A program full of people
A love that was always shown.
Peace, Love and Serenity
What I was looking for
A second family forever
A smile and a hug for sure.
Finally able to share
What I never wanted to surrender
Finally felt the relief
My heart will always remember.
One year when I was twelve,
I was faced with another fight
Something I was ashamed of
My heart was filled with fright.

A young girl taken advantage of
An acquaintance gone too far
A child held down and violated
The beginning of her scars.
Nightmares and flashbacks haunt her
an everyday struggle
Trying to deal with the pain
Fighting to pick up the puzzle.
Taking it out on herself
Was the only goal
Self-Injury, Restricting
Trying to gain back control.
An interview and a trial
She had to make a choice
She wanted to get her life back
She no longer tolerated a forever silenced voice.
There was a small conviction
Following a long two years
An outcome good and bad
After days and nights of tears.
Another step in her journey
A chapter in her life
That young girl has grown up
And her goal this time is to strive.
A lifetime full of dreams
Have begun to show through
From high school through college and beyond,
[[She‘ll say she‘s gonna show you]]
Her compassion for others
Who have traveled down the same road
A career to bring justice
A voice that says, you are not alone.
A mission to happiness
A beautiful life ahead
I will not back down
I‘ll show my strength instead.

Where I was

  • On a path to self-destruction
  • In a world of self-sabotage
  • Going through the motions, not enjoying life. There was no JOY. I was miserable.
  • Felt like I was too far gone
  • In DEEP emotional pain
  • Full of FEAR
  • HATING my body because of what was done to it
  • Disconnected from my body completely
  • Stuck in a past of child sexual abuse and sexual assault and the aftermath (Court, PTSD, Self-Injury, Restricted Eating, Flashbacks, Anxiety, Memories)

Who I believed I was

  • A Broken child and adolescent
  • Daughter of an alcoholic, worried nothing would get better
  • My Abusers Victim, and a victim in general
  • Defined
  • Forgotten
  • Ashamed
  • Faithless
  • Hopeless
  • Terrified to love and be loved
  • Dirty, Damaged Goods
  • Failure
  • Stuck
  • Guilty
  • Worthless

Authored by: Mel Sachs  ©Copyright 2018. All Rights Reserved.

 

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